Why it is BAD to obtain information about the other household through your children

I meet many people who insist on talking with their children about the other parent's household. Parents who are separated think that they see their child's true personality and their unforced, natural behavior.

In reality, under the tremendous performance pressure of passing back and forth between hostile households, children tailor their behavior, their words and actions, to the particular parent.

For Dad, they talk negatively about Mom and appear reluctant to go to Mom's house. 

For Mom, they complain about Dad's girlfriend, about Dad's strange behavior, about how bored they are at Dad's house and they express reluctance to go to Dad's house.

It's a perfect storm of misinformation! 

Both parents, hearing negative things about the other parent, believe that they are winning the war for their child's love and affection. Each of them believes that they are gaining and are now more likely to become the majority-time parent. The child, with full knowledge of both parents' insecurities and fears, and with first-hand, accurate information of the true situation at each household, is in an unnatural position of power.

If you're involved in this kind of struggle, then you know what I mean. If you'd like to discuss your situation further, please give me a call at 312-493-4241. 7 days a week.


- Kevin Johnson

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