Problems cause by the words "flexible" in a custody order or divorce judgment

I have found that there are two ways to deal with problems in implementing and interpreting parenting-time agreements contained in divorce or custody orders and judgments.  One is to deal with the problems as they arise -- putting out fires, fixing 'plane crash' or 'train wreck' situations, billing clients for the hours needed to bring things back to a smooth, working parenting schedule.  The other approach (and one which I try to follow) is to prevent the parenting problems in the first place, with clear language -- times, days, places for exchange of the children, details all stated in the court orders.

In order to prevent problems, though, it's necessary to avoid words like "flexible."  As in this horrible phrase:  "The parties agree to implement the above parenting schedule in a flexible manner, in light of the children's changing needs, their activities and other unforeseen circumstances."  

This may sound just fine to a parent who is being presented with a proposed custody or divorce judgment and being asked to approve and sign.  

However, using the word "flexible" could lead one of the parents to feel that cancelling, trading, swapping and banking (saving up) hours and days of parenting time is normal -- a part of being "flexible."  This could ruin plans, make for a week-to-week uncertainty about the schedule, provide opportunities for deliberately upsetting the other parent's schedule, and generally cause stress to everyone.  

It's much better for the parenting-time schedule to be written carefully and in great detail, and for both parents to commit themselves to following it rigidly, week-by-week, through the year.  It gives a good sense of security, the ability of each parent to plan ahead for parenting time, and removes one big way that a parent bent on disruption can cause havoc to the other parent's life as time goes on.

Yes, emergencies and unforeseen situations will arise, and will have to be dealt with.  But to suggest, in a parenting agreement, that there will be "flexibility" or trading, banking, swapping or cancelling of parenting time on a regular basis, is to invite disaster and stress (especially for children!).

If you'd like to talk about fixing problems with your parenting schedule, or preventing problems as you craft a new one, please give me a call on my cell phone, 7 days/ week.

- Kevin Johnson
  (cell) 312-493-4241

www.divorce.nu

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