Solutions for Parental Alienation in Divorce and Custody Cases

 I have seen cases calm Way Down when my client starts acting as though the other parent doesn't exist.  At first glance, it sounds bad, since one of the factors under Section 602 is the willingness of the parent to foster a good relationship between the child and the other parent. 

But, in a case a few years ago where my client (the mother) implemented this, and the other side (father, trying constantly to stir up chaos using their little son) tried to portray the mother's refusal to allow the little son to speak of his father, and her refusal to engage the father in voice communications, as a bad thing, the judge granted my oral 'motion for a directed finding' at the close of father's case, at the trial on father's petition to change custody.  So, it didn't hurt us at all.

I do believe parents should communicate adult-to-adult in these high-conflict situations by email (not texting or voice).  I recommend that clients adopt a 'mantra' to say over and over, whenever the child attempts to bring up the subject of the other parent.  "We don't talk about that," or some short phrase like that.  No other explanation - no elaboration at all.  One thing I explain to clients is that a parent does Not have to explain his or her actions -- that's one of the perogatives of being a parent. "Why can't I go to the mall?"  "Because I said so!" - no other explanation necessary.  Showing unshakable strength as a parent is very comforting to the child.   Also, sometimes the child's questions are planted by the other parent, so refusing to answer them avoids another way that the other parent can stir things up.

When one parent repeats the "We don't talk about that" mantra over and over for a while, calmly but firmly, the child will quickly learn to avoid the topic of the other parent entirely, and will eventually push back against the other parent's attempt to send messages or questions through the child.  ("Ask your dad when he's going to pay your school fee."  "Dad doesn't listen!" "What do you mean!" "Mom, when I try to mention anything about you, Dad says, 'we don't talk about that' and he won't let me say anything!")  The child will naturally gravitate to the calm, confident parent and start to dread the time with the scheming, manipulating, semi-crazy parent -- and this is the low-cost antidote to parental alienation.

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