The Improper Use of 'The Wedge' in Custody, Visitation and Divorce Cases

One tactic improperly used against my client is what I call "the wedge."  It's when one parent gets the child excited about attending an activity or event that will infringe or cancel the other parent's parenting time, or that will require the other parent to provide transport to and from the activity or event.  Once the child is excited about attending, without notifying the other parent or communicating directly adult-to-adult (which would be the proper way) the parent instead says, "It's OK with me, but you'll have to ask your Dad, since it's his weekend," or words to that effect.

Now the child is like a torpedo, launched against the other, unsuspecting parent.  The child's words will be something like, "Dad, can I be in baseball this summer?  Mom says it's OK but I have to ask you."  This puts the other parent (in this case, Dad) in an unwinnable situation:  He may well enjoy the free-and-easy parenting time he has each weekend, and he may have his own activities and events planned for that time.  Now, he's got a child looking up at him, innocently requesting a major chunk of time, and complications of scheduling and transportation, and the request was actually engineered by the other parent (in this case, Mom).  \

Using "the wedge" -- essentially using the child as a weapon and communications conduit to the other parent -- is highly improper.  It is often intended to drive a wedge (hence the name) between the receiving parent and the child, when the parent refuses the child's request to transport the child to the event or activity.  It When used for that purpose, it is a form of 'parental alienation,' and deliberately causes damage to the child.

Sometimes, a parent will do this for multiple events, choosing those that overlap, complicate or step on the other parent's parenting time.  Fighting back against 'the wedge' and other child-harming tactics requires a careful, step-by-step approach.  Essentially, it involves driving all communication with the other parent to email (not texting and not voice calls) to provide a degree of documentation and accountability, insisting that all events and activities infringing on my client's time be approved in advance, in writing, by him or her, refusing to engage the child in discussion about what the other parent says or does or decides, and then working to strengthen my client's bond with the child in other ways.

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